A New Birth

My labor started on Friday night, November 12, 2010, around 11:30PM, irregular, easy contractions.  I timed them for a few hours but eventually gave up and went to bed.  The first night I slept, but as Saturday wore on, I got anxious for something to happen and was unable to sleep.  Sunday at 2:00AM, my contractions got more intense.  By 5:00AM we called our doula, Eva, who soon arrived and was a devoted and comforting presence during my labor.

Around 7:00AM our midwives arrived - all 5 of them!  Beth, Lynn, and 3 student midwives.  My fear this whole pregnancy was that I was going to have a huge baby - I felt huge the entire pregnancy and you should have heard the comments people made during my 3rd trimester, let alone as I went overdue.  Earlier in the week I'd had an ultrasound to check amniotic fluid levels and the ultrasound tech confirmed my fears by blurting out "this baby is measuring 10 lb. 6 oz."  I later learned that the ultrasound doctor called my midwife to recommend a c-section.  My midwife dismissed that, but brought extra support for my homebirth.  When I heard Beth was bringing her co-midwife, Lynn, along, I knew they were expecting a difficult delivery.

At 7:30AM Beth checked me and I was dilated to 2cm.  I was shocked.  I was 2cm at my appointment on Thursday, and I'd been having contractions for 32 hours, and they'd gotten more intense!  I thought it was the real thing.  But, no, Beth said I wasn't even in active labor.  I felt devastated.  She sent me on a walk and the midwives went out to breakfast.  I cried during my walk, stopping to close my eyes and brace myself during each contraction, aware of passersby walking to their churches.  Rich and Claire followed behind me.

I had planned on having Ketsy at the birth to take care of Claire.  Instead, Rich and Broc gave me a Priesthood blessing and Ketsy took Claire to church since we didn't know how long this was going to be.  During the blessing I remember Rich saying, "you'll give birth in the Lord's time", which made me wonder, "was I even going to have this baby today?"  And, couldn't Rich have blessed me to have an easy, pain-free birth?  Help a woman out!

I continued my birthing time using the ball and walking around.  By 9:30AM the midwives came back and after another hour spent laboring, Beth said I was 5cm.  Yay.  Time to get into the tub.

Ah, the glorious tub.  With Claire's birth I didn't have time to get in the tub, so I had high expectations of the birth tub.  The warm water did help a lot.  During my last trimester, I practiced Hypnobabies and it helped me handle the contractions with some grace.  I closed my eyes, breathed as deeply as I could, feeling my system slowing down, falling.  I told my body out loud, "Open, open, open, baby down, down, down, soften, soften, soften, relax, relax, relax, release, release, release.

I love these pictures of Rich and I.  He was always right there, confident in me, encouraging me, comforting me.  He was completely in the moment with me.  What love!

Around 11:30 I was dilated to 8 cm and the midwives suggested breaking my bulging water.  Unfortunately, that made my contractions more painful.  They checked my dilation right afterward and I had gone backwards - to 5 cm.  Again, I was totally devastated and now in real pain, so much that I couldn't figure out what I wanted to do next, so I got back in the tub.  By this time, my hypnosis wasn't working anymore to keep me calm.  Soon after I got into the tub I started to feel pushy.  I was still at 5 cm so they told me I couldn't push.  I tried to breathe all that energy out, but it wasn't working.  Instead, I was just writhing in the tub, trying to run away from the pain and back spasms, but there was no running away.  I was freaking out at every contraction.  Rich and Eva stayed with me and one of the student midwives locked eyes with me - her eyes were amazing.  Still I was having such a hard time with every contraction.  (There was also meconium when they broke my water and baby's heart rate had dipped.)  Beth said that considering my long sleepless labor and that he was a big baby, she wasn't sure I could do it.  I felt the exact same way.  I felt like I needed pain relief and a c-section to get him out.  So, at 12:15 she stepped away to make the call - we were transferring to the hospital.  Around this time, Ketsy and Claire came back from church into the intense situation and I told Ketsy, "just take her away, take her home with you".

I had a few more contractions in the tub, I went to the bathroom and had a few contractions right on top of each other in the bathroom, Beth checked me in there and I was still 5 cm, I went to my bedroom and had a few contractions in there.  Getting dressed seemed impossible and I had no idea how I was going to ride in the car to the hospital 20-30 minutes away.  In the bedroom my noises sounded deeper and more pushy, so Lynn suggested checking me again.  Beth checked me and then said, "Eileen, this next contraction I'm going to have you try pushing."  I didn't understand why she wanted me to push, I thought the baby would just get stuck and then how would I get to the hospital?  The next contraction I pushed.  I started standing up, but quickly fell against the bed so I was kneeling on the floor.  I pushed and pushed and pushed, with every breath I took, gasping in unimaginable pain.  I didn't know my pushes were doing anything until I heard Rich say, "his head is out, his head is out".  My son was born at home, 12 days late, after 37 hours of labor, on November 14, 2010 at 12:45pm, after 5 minutes of pushing!  Apparently, between the bathroom and the bedroom, in 10 minutes time, I dilated from 5 cm to 9 cm.  Then, as Beth told me to start pushing she was pulling a lip of cervix out of the way and I went from 9 cm to birth, in 5 minutes.  My first thoughts were, "I alive, I can't believe I'm alive" as I tried to catch my breath and recover.  Baby was born behind me and it took a minute for him to start crying.  I first saw him when Beth passed him under my legs and I held his warm, wet, soft, curled up body against my stomach.  He was beautiful!!!  And ONLY 9 lb. 2 oz.  Wow!

I'm so grateful for everyone who helped me survive and get baby here safely: Baby Boy, Rich, Claire, Eva, Ketsy, Beth, Lynn, Jamie, Cassandra, and Megan.  For Lynn and Eva, who took beautiful photos.  And, most importantly my Heavenly Parents, who watched over me with Love and Blessings.