End of November 2010

Our thoughtful landlady brought gifts for not only Gavin, but Claire too.

It's a party every morning.  Oh wait, only Claire thinks that.

Grandparents meet the new babe.

Looking tough wearing his skull onesie for Poppi aka BABD aka Badass Biker Dude.

I can't believe this big guy fit inside of me 15 days ago.  No wonder I was so huge pregnant.  Gavin was trying to set a record and he gained 15 oz. in his first week of life.  (A baby usually loses a little weight and ideally gets back up to their birth weight by two weeks old.)

Gavin is such a cuddler, molding right to me.

Gorgeous!

Gavin Truman

Gavin Truman.  It took us 5 days to name him, but his name is perfect for him.  I love it!  Truman is after Rich's grandpa.  

It looks like Claire's not so sure about him here - nursing for the first time.  But, she has always been a sweet sister.

I can't believe how little and chubby-cheeked she is here, at exactly 2-1/2 years old.  What a cutie! 

This series of photos was on day 3.  The shock had worn off a bit and the Love hormones had taken over.  I couldn't stop crying at how perfect he was and how lucky we were.  I was SO HAPPY!

My sexy husband!

Behind the Scenes of a Homebirth

My midwives wrote that baby boy made "quite a dramatic entrance into his mother's arms this afternoon!"  Jane, one of my doulas with Claire, responded, "Yay Eileen!!!!  Sounds like I wouldn't have made it to this birth either! xoxo"  I found it so funny, and perfectly said given how speedy everything was at the end.

When we decided to transfer to the hospital all the midwives packed up their supplies.  They scrambled to get everything back out before the baby arrived.  As such they didn't even get chux pads underneath me so there was a huge pool of blood on the floor (so glad for wood floors) and Rich talks about how it was splashing all over Beth.  He likes to make it sounds so humorous.

Near the end of my labor I remember thinking, I never warned my next-door neighbor (who shares a bedroom wall with us) that I was in labor.  My midwife assured me not to worry, that she'd figure it out.  She must have been out of the house, she told me she didn't know I had the baby until she heard crying a few days later.

When I was laboring in the bathroom, I heard a knock at the door.  It was the Elder's Quorum President from church stopping by to talk to Rich.  The midwives answered the door and in an flurry of activity (packing to go to the hospital) they told him, "Now's not a good time", and shut the door.  I'm pretty sure he heard me in transition labor.  But, people should know not to just stop by when an overdue couple is absent from church.  :)

Things happened so fast that Claire ended up being there, like we originally wanted.  Ketsy held her at my bedroom doorway, but stepped away at one point when Claire started to whimper.  She brought her back in as soon as baby was born.  Claire later said, "I didn't want to see it", which I felt bad about.  It wasn't the quiet, calm birth that I had envisioned.  Poor traumatized girl.  She has since talked about when I pushed baby brother out and she makes grunting sounds, which we had taught her about while I was pregnant.  She also talks about pushing her baby doll out and she lifts her shirt to nurse her baby doll.  I do hope to empower her throughout her life on the subject of birth.

In the end I was disappointed at the midwife when she said, "I know you are a tough cookie and you've done this [un-medicated birth] before, but I don't know if you can do this."  It was exactly what I was thinking at the time, so I readily believed her.  In hindsight, I was in transition emotionally while my body was catching up.  But, it was a bummer to hear my midwife's doubt in me.  I'm glad Rich and Eva were still rooting for me, even though they didn't oppose her out loud.  And I did appreciate that the midwife kept following her gut to check my dilation before trying to transfer - I would have had a baby in the car then.  At a follow-up appointment, wondering why there was no resting during the pushing stage, I asked my midwife, "were you in a hurry to get him out?"  She said, yes, since baby was expected to be so big and his chest was especially large, she was worried about shoulder dystocia.  In fact, he was so big that we later learned he broke his clavicle during the birth, which is one result of shoulder dystocia, though he never got stuck.  He didn't seem to complain about his clavicle, but we noticed he was only moving one arm from the elbow while the other arm he flailed the whole thing.  Poor little guy.  He healed up just fine though.  I broke my clavicle when I was born too.  Big babies.

This was such a hard birth that I felt particularly bad for Eva and Ketsy who were both pregnant and due to have their babies soon.  I had hoped I didn't scare them by being a "wild woman".  But, they both assured me that they both came away from it inspired and empowered.  I remember one of the student midwives telling me as she left that I was "amazing - a birthing goddess".

After the birth I was in a state of shock and while Rich held him I kept having to remind myself, "Eileen, you just had a baby.  Look at your baby."  Even though he was so sweet and perfect, it just took me a long time to gather myself.  Rich declared in complete awe, "Don't ever say you can't do anything, ever again."  I have felt some trauma from this birth and over a year later I can still cry about it.  I just can't believe I was in that much pain - it was very scary.  For a long time afterward I thought we might only have 2 kids, ever.  But, it helps to remind myself that I was in labor for 37 hours, and it was only the last 45 minutes that were unbearable.  Yet, even that part, I got through it.  And, yes, I do want more children, someday, somehow.

A New Birth

My labor started on Friday night, November 12, 2010, around 11:30PM, irregular, easy contractions.  I timed them for a few hours but eventually gave up and went to bed.  The first night I slept, but as Saturday wore on, I got anxious for something to happen and was unable to sleep.  Sunday at 2:00AM, my contractions got more intense.  By 5:00AM we called our doula, Eva, who soon arrived and was a devoted and comforting presence during my labor.

Around 7:00AM our midwives arrived - all 5 of them!  Beth, Lynn, and 3 student midwives.  My fear this whole pregnancy was that I was going to have a huge baby - I felt huge the entire pregnancy and you should have heard the comments people made during my 3rd trimester, let alone as I went overdue.  Earlier in the week I'd had an ultrasound to check amniotic fluid levels and the ultrasound tech confirmed my fears by blurting out "this baby is measuring 10 lb. 6 oz."  I later learned that the ultrasound doctor called my midwife to recommend a c-section.  My midwife dismissed that, but brought extra support for my homebirth.  When I heard Beth was bringing her co-midwife, Lynn, along, I knew they were expecting a difficult delivery.

At 7:30AM Beth checked me and I was dilated to 2cm.  I was shocked.  I was 2cm at my appointment on Thursday, and I'd been having contractions for 32 hours, and they'd gotten more intense!  I thought it was the real thing.  But, no, Beth said I wasn't even in active labor.  I felt devastated.  She sent me on a walk and the midwives went out to breakfast.  I cried during my walk, stopping to close my eyes and brace myself during each contraction, aware of passersby walking to their churches.  Rich and Claire followed behind me.

I had planned on having Ketsy at the birth to take care of Claire.  Instead, Rich and Broc gave me a Priesthood blessing and Ketsy took Claire to church since we didn't know how long this was going to be.  During the blessing I remember Rich saying, "you'll give birth in the Lord's time", which made me wonder, "was I even going to have this baby today?"  And, couldn't Rich have blessed me to have an easy, pain-free birth?  Help a woman out!

I continued my birthing time using the ball and walking around.  By 9:30AM the midwives came back and after another hour spent laboring, Beth said I was 5cm.  Yay.  Time to get into the tub.

Ah, the glorious tub.  With Claire's birth I didn't have time to get in the tub, so I had high expectations of the birth tub.  The warm water did help a lot.  During my last trimester, I practiced Hypnobabies and it helped me handle the contractions with some grace.  I closed my eyes, breathed as deeply as I could, feeling my system slowing down, falling.  I told my body out loud, "Open, open, open, baby down, down, down, soften, soften, soften, relax, relax, relax, release, release, release.

I love these pictures of Rich and I.  He was always right there, confident in me, encouraging me, comforting me.  He was completely in the moment with me.  What love!

Around 11:30 I was dilated to 8 cm and the midwives suggested breaking my bulging water.  Unfortunately, that made my contractions more painful.  They checked my dilation right afterward and I had gone backwards - to 5 cm.  Again, I was totally devastated and now in real pain, so much that I couldn't figure out what I wanted to do next, so I got back in the tub.  By this time, my hypnosis wasn't working anymore to keep me calm.  Soon after I got into the tub I started to feel pushy.  I was still at 5 cm so they told me I couldn't push.  I tried to breathe all that energy out, but it wasn't working.  Instead, I was just writhing in the tub, trying to run away from the pain and back spasms, but there was no running away.  I was freaking out at every contraction.  Rich and Eva stayed with me and one of the student midwives locked eyes with me - her eyes were amazing.  Still I was having such a hard time with every contraction.  (There was also meconium when they broke my water and baby's heart rate had dipped.)  Beth said that considering my long sleepless labor and that he was a big baby, she wasn't sure I could do it.  I felt the exact same way.  I felt like I needed pain relief and a c-section to get him out.  So, at 12:15 she stepped away to make the call - we were transferring to the hospital.  Around this time, Ketsy and Claire came back from church into the intense situation and I told Ketsy, "just take her away, take her home with you".

I had a few more contractions in the tub, I went to the bathroom and had a few contractions right on top of each other in the bathroom, Beth checked me in there and I was still 5 cm, I went to my bedroom and had a few contractions in there.  Getting dressed seemed impossible and I had no idea how I was going to ride in the car to the hospital 20-30 minutes away.  In the bedroom my noises sounded deeper and more pushy, so Lynn suggested checking me again.  Beth checked me and then said, "Eileen, this next contraction I'm going to have you try pushing."  I didn't understand why she wanted me to push, I thought the baby would just get stuck and then how would I get to the hospital?  The next contraction I pushed.  I started standing up, but quickly fell against the bed so I was kneeling on the floor.  I pushed and pushed and pushed, with every breath I took, gasping in unimaginable pain.  I didn't know my pushes were doing anything until I heard Rich say, "his head is out, his head is out".  My son was born at home, 12 days late, after 37 hours of labor, on November 14, 2010 at 12:45pm, after 5 minutes of pushing!  Apparently, between the bathroom and the bedroom, in 10 minutes time, I dilated from 5 cm to 9 cm.  Then, as Beth told me to start pushing she was pulling a lip of cervix out of the way and I went from 9 cm to birth, in 5 minutes.  My first thoughts were, "I alive, I can't believe I'm alive" as I tried to catch my breath and recover.  Baby was born behind me and it took a minute for him to start crying.  I first saw him when Beth passed him under my legs and I held his warm, wet, soft, curled up body against my stomach.  He was beautiful!!!  And ONLY 9 lb. 2 oz.  Wow!

I'm so grateful for everyone who helped me survive and get baby here safely: Baby Boy, Rich, Claire, Eva, Ketsy, Beth, Lynn, Jamie, Cassandra, and Megan.  For Lynn and Eva, who took beautiful photos.  And, most importantly my Heavenly Parents, who watched over me with Love and Blessings.

Last Moments as a Family of Three

A gorgeous evening walk along the beach.

Claire is already a sweet big sister.  Thank new baby boy for every one of those stretch marks, I had none with Claire.  ~Sigh~

College Roomies

I was lucky to have a visit from my BYU roommate Laurie. Oh, I miss her! She lives in Minnesota and we've managed to see each other a handful of times since college. Her speeding (and getting a ticket) to my South Dakota wedding reception, me taking a nasty $10 Chinatown bus from NYC to Boston to visit them while her husband was going to MIT, me visiting her near Minneapolis on my way through to South Dakota, and now her coming to Seattle on her husband's business trip.  We only had a few hours for a visit so we entertained our kids (so we could talk) by taking them to the Children's Science Museum and the Seattle Center fountain.  We had a great time catching up and we seriously need to do it more often.  It's strange to be together so rarely because our lives are so different from when we met - having 4 kids running around and each pregnant with our next.   

October 2010

Claire had fun being girly in October. 

The perks of making Daddy's birthday cake.

Rich turned 39.  Sounds Crazy!

My little Ladybug.  Our friends, Dave & Alyce, took Claire to the church Halloween Party while we stayed home sick.  We were surprised she went willingly and we heard she had a great time, even talking to people!

I like to dress up in my swimsuit with a sweater underneath too.