May 2011

The month's activities: I got to hear legendary midwife Ina May Gaskin give a lecture on the medicalization of birth and a call for the importance of midwifery.  I tried a fun Zumba class, which was a real workout.  I potted plants for a plant sale and worked 2 garage sales as fundraisers for American Cancer Society's Relay for Life.  It was a little much for me and I promptly quit the team before the relay even took place.  Rich and I were invited by his boss-boss to attend a cooking class at Bastyr University, where we speed-cooked several whole foods recipes.  The food was great and it was fun to cook in a professional kitchen, though the pace was pretty stressful and we had to do our own dishes at the end of the night.  I'm pretty sure I'm not cut out to be a chef.  The teacher is the head of this "show" http://www.cookusinterruptus.com/ and wrote the cookbook, "Feeding the Whole Family". 

Together!

Daddy is SO funny. 

 Bedtime stories.

How can he be so pretty?!

Our last visit with Grandpa Ace.  Claire wrote a letter to her great-grandpa.  Coming from her, I'm sure it was as sweet as can be.

On a rough day I took the kids for a drive until they both fell asleep and I found this beautiful view to sit before and read my book.  It was so rejuvenating!

Silly faces.

Flower power.

Check out Gavin's scrunchy nose.  He does that when he's nursing and I love it!  Both my kids liked swings the first few times as babies, but now scream anytime we try.  (As I'm writing this, Claire who's now 4, just today went on the swing and tolerated 2 gentle pushes at a time, so maybe when Gavin is 4 he'll like it again too.)

A little Mommy.

Living room picnics are pretty great.

Claire turns 3

Three years old and her first Friends birthday party.

Pretty decor made in the wee hours of the morning.

Outside string game - following a string weaving through the yard and stopping for tasks like playing ring around the rosy, singing "happy birthday", exercise moves, gathering for a group photo, etc.

Pink, Sprinkles, and a mini-banner made by Mama.

She was shy blowing the candles out, so her friends were happy to help.

The kids gathered around to help her unwrap gifts.

Showing off her necklace I made for her.

Excited to have a rocking chair just her size.  This one was passed down from Rich's family - I think great-grandpa Truman lacquered it.

Another party at Grandpa Don & Grandma Laura's house with a Winnie-the-Pooh cake.

Poor Claire, her cousins were so excited for her, but it was too much attention.  We've had to start letting her open holiday gifts when there's only a few people in the room, so the cousins have to miss out for now.

Daddy got to blow out the candles while Claire looks like she's about to cry.

A lick of frosting should make things better.

Sugar rush!

Pointe shoes

I kept one pair of pointe shoes from my ballet life and Claire had a lot of fun with them.

So serious.  I wonder what she's thinking about.

"And then I do my leg like this."

Trisha Brown Dance Company came to Seattle and I got to see my old friend, Tamara, perform!  We studied Modern Dance at the University of Utah together, we performed together, and I performed in her choreography.  I have so many memories of watching her dance, completely captivated and inspired.  She has a hard-earned strength matched with a warm personality and sweet grin.  

Since having a traumatic "end" to my dance career I have often felt like a failure - that I never "made it", that I wasted 21 years of time/effort/money/hope, that I must not have been "good enough" or skinny enough.  I never had the chance to dance on a full-time company and tour the world like I had dreamed, let alone a company so famous as Trisha Brown.  Years ago I had gone to the Trisha Brown summer workshop in NYC and loved the movement style.  Soon afterwards I flew to NYC again to audition for an apprentice position.  None of the company members who taught the summer workshop were running the audition, so no one knew me.  And, with a few hundred other dancers vying for one position, being known is pretty important.  I was cut the first cut.  I felt devastated and foolish that I flew to NYC to dance 16 counts of movement.  This dance world is so hard!  

Considering my feelings of failure, I don't like going to see dance performances at this point, because it's such a harsh reminder of what I am missing, and I REALLY miss dancing.  Likewise, I had some anxiety about going to the concert and seeing Tamara, who is "living the dream".  Fortunately, I had a wonderful time.  It was a thrill to see Tamara perform so beautifully!  I also enjoyed recalling the choreography that I had learned of the piece "Set and Reset".  I coordinated with several other alums to attend the concert and afterwards we went out to eat with her.  I'm so glad we got catch up on the last 10 years, laugh at her stories, and I'm so glad that she took the time to connect with me individually.  She let me know that she's had her own terrible ending with a choreographer and she encouraged me not to take it personally.  She reminded me that there's still time in my life to pursue dance in a meaningful way.  She also revealed that (even as a dancer in a world-renowned company) she can relate to the moments where we all wonder "what am I doing with my life?"  I really appreciated hearing her perspective!  I went home that night with more peace, with gratitude for my family, and with hope that I will dance again someday (when I'm not so sleep-deprived).  Thanks for the boost Tamara.  You're the best.

Up close

Gavin's around 5 months here, in April 2011.

Striking eyes.  Gentle with her brother.

 Right after this she licked his face.

 Bright baby.

And, giggly.

Claire gave up naps WAY too early.  She only falls asleep by accident - while hiding under a blanket or at the grocery store "while trying to escape" her stroller straps (of course, preceded by yelling and tantrums all through the store).  It's been really hard to accept, because she obviously still needs naps when considering her meltdowns every day, all through the day.  Gahhhh.